Perfectionism: Drowning in a sea of unmet expectations

Hi, i'm Katy and I am a perfectionist. Call it OCD, being a control freak, or simply over-thinking/overworking but whatever the label, it is real and slowly eating away layers of my life. Wikipedia defines it as "a personality trait characterized by a person's striving for flawlessness and setting excessively high performance standards, accompanied by overly critical self-evaluations and concerns regarding others' evaluations." Most people experience perfectionism on different levels daily. This could be dressing to impress, saying the right words, or stacking the papers just right.

For me, the battle with my own thoughts is almost constant. Perfectionism is a disease that both pushes me and knocks me down at the same time. It is a source of self-confidence and complete insignificance. It motivates and discourages all in the same breath. It gives me control while actually controlling me. It wakes me up in the morning and overwhelms my thoughts throughout the day. It promises happiness, knowledge, and peace but brings inner frustration, stress, and insecurity to it's peak.

Perfectionism gives me goals and then tells me I can never accomplish them. Perfectionism compares my skills to others, and brings up bitter, jealous, and selfish thoughts. Perfectionism eats away at current or potential relationships by whispering lies that I am too good for that person, or that I will never be good enough. Perfectionism means constantly thinking about how you could have said or did something different and letting the past consume your mind. Perfectionism IS deadly to both the soul and mind.

Striving for excellence, hard work and planning can all be good things when done with the right mindset. However, Satan has used my own mind battle to distract me from things above. My priorities have been focused on selfish ambitions with tunnel vision on personal success, being the best, and doing things for the approval and praise of others. Perfectionism converts my thoughts and actions to myself and leaves little room for God's will and providence for my life.

Colossians 3:23 says " Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters."I still enjoy hard work, I still feel the need to be the best, and I still get discouraged when things don't go as planned. However, God has taught me humility by changing my motivation from self to "fixing my eyes on Him, the founder and perfecter of my faith." Because he IS perfect and his blood covers my imperfections.
 May the Lord bless you and keep you
~K.L.E