Making Time For The Moment

I have been back to school for a little over two weeks now, with this being my first week of classes. It feels like I have been thrown right back into the heat of the fire, with out any subtleness. Summer is all but a memory, like the morning dew that is quickly forgotten in the heat of the day. Here I sit, at the end of this physically and mentally exhausting week wondering once again why I am doing this and how I am surviving. Of course the first few days still had that "new start" glamour, but that quickly wore off, and I am seemly falling back into a hypnotic routine of going through the days without really experiencing them: watching the calendar pages fly until the end of semester, year, or graduation. The scary thing is, this is only the first week and it only gets more stressful from here. Days are long, nights are long, homework is piled high. Mornings are early, syllabus's are complicated and professors are about as clear as mud pie. Money is low, time is short and emotions are mixed. Stress is rampant, jobs take energy, and they are so many more problems to fix. Focus is gone, motivation in the weeds all because life is going at such great speed. Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do I do this to myself? It doesn't have to be this way. There is a difference between being involved and being busy as one has to do more with the state of the mind than the actual activity. Even when I am not physically busy, my mind is constantly over heating, causing me to walk in trance like someone who is intoxicated, or highly distracted. I realize a lot of this is caused by my perfectionism and inability to say no, and these are both things that I am working through. Because of this, I have vowed to strive to live in the moment as much as possible this semester. This does not mean saying whatever comes to mind, making decisions that are not responsible, or developing an apathetic approach to school. Instead, it means treating life as if I only had but a moment to live. It means engaging people to create meaningful relationships. It means remembering my God-given thirst for knowledge and absorbing everything I am taught. It means realizing how blessed I am to be alive and here in this place. It means creating space to love God, love others, and love myself. It means being open to opportunities that God is putting right in front of my face and having faith that God will strengthen me as we travel together to my destination. I know this won't be an easy journey as priorities will change and control will be out of my hands. As I continue to strive for true discipleship, I pray that God will help me stop and appreciate the beauty in life and invest in people that matter, while giving complete control to him. God help me live for you and only you.

May the Lord bless you an keep you,

K.L.E